These modern-day Robin Hoods are doing Mother Nature’s dirty work…

Back in April I highlighted an activist group called Adbusters advocating people deflating the tires on SUVs in the United States and other developed nations as a way to fight climate change. It seemed like such a stupid idea and like any social contagion it’s spread. Now a group called The Tyre Extinguishers has been bragging on Twitter about how they were able to deflate – sorry, “disarm” – the tires on 40 SUVs in the Upper East Side area of New York City, calling the action “the first of many.”

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That’s right, these activists just know you don’t need your SUV, especially in the Big Apple where you can take the subway instead and watch humans defecate in the train car then take your smartphone at gunpoint. Not only do they deflate your tires for you, they leave a preachy little leaflet under your wiper blade so you know who to blame for making you late to work. And they think people are going to thank them for this act of “service.”

When you’re trying to persuade people through superior rhetorical skills, it’s key you have an enticing hook right up front. These guys lead with “Attention – your gas guzzler kills.” Yep, when someone finds some jerk deflated their tires, that right there in big font will engage in a way nothing else can. Right off the bat you’ve won them over to your cause. In fact, there are probably 40 nice SUVs fresh on the used vehicle market in the NYC area right now as the owners have realized the error of their gas guzzling ways.

Like climate justice Robin Hoods, these activists are totally above the law and human decency. They get to decide who needs an SUV or 4x4 of any kind because they can see into your heart to divine what you’re truly all about. They know you have murderous rage towards the environment on which you depend for every breath, literally. Who wouldn’t want to kill off the very thing keeping them alive? It only makes logical sense.

Not everyone is brave enough to harass SUV owners and possibly bend the rims by leaving them sitting on deflated tires for hours on end. It takes a special kind of self-assured activist who will also lay in a busy roadway, causing cars to idle for decreased fuel efficiency, to bring about the end of all vehicles across the planet. Once we’re all riding horses, burros, and possibly some Great Danes to our important work at the Patagonia factory then and only then will we truly have saved Mother Earth. Godspeed, The Tyre Extinguishers!

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